I spent the first 26 years of my life absolutely haunted by people I’d never known. Elizabeth changed that.
I was adopted at birth. It was a closed adoption. I have an amazing and loving family who have always been transparent about where I came from while never allowing me to feel as if I wasn’t 100% their daughter. But that question always stung because there is inevitably a hole inside of you where biology should have taken root. Despite all my best efforts, I was acutely aware of that hole and it ate at me for as long as I can remember.
I got a 23 & Me kit my last year of grad school. I just wanted anything that might tell me more about what hereditary conditions might exist to help me cope with my ongoing medical issues. I didn’t expect to find my family. Maybe some extended cousins or something. But there she was. E. Aven.
The chart said she was a grandparent or aunt. Potentially a sibling, but less likely. I sent her an anxious message as soon as I had my bearings. I told her my name, where I was from, when I was born, and asked if she knew anything at all about my biological family. I assured her that I had no intention of barging in to anyone’s lives – I just wanted to know so I could put that part of myself behind me.
In my mind it took months to see a response but I think it was probably just a few hours or days. Finally, there was a notification.
Elizabeth told me how she had struggled to respond because she didn’t know I existed. She didn’t know how people were supposed to handle this kind of situation. But she also said she needed to respond. She shared that her mother knew I existed and that she was my Aunt. She told me that she knew from the moment she saw my picture who both of my parents were.
I remember sobbing on the floor of my kitchen. Relieved and shook all at once. Elizabeth was so kind and so open with me. She told me about her and Melanie- and despite being estranged, she told me about my dad, her brother. Elizabeth shared the good and the bad that she felt she could. She was admirably honest and considerate of what a delicate situation this was. She sent me pictures of her family and told me all the ways she could see these people in me. How my hair reminded her of her mom’s hair. How my passion and uniqueness reminded me of her. How my intelligence, and my eyes, reminded her of her brother.
Each time she talked to me, I started to gain these little fragments of what I had felt I was missing – and I started to become whole. I had the opportunity to meet Elizabeth and Melanie in person just once. I happened to be driving from my job out in Utah back to Missouri at the end of that summer and a stop in Oklahoma was more than doable. I will never forget that night.
When I pulled up to the house, there were balloons outside, bright baby pink, that read “It’s a Girl”. They made sure that from the moment I drove up I knew that this was a celebration of sorts- they wanted me there- and they welcomed me with open arms. I was stunned by how beautiful and charismatic these women were. How much joy and love I felt in that house. They made me dinner and gave me gifts to commemorate the day we found each other. But most importantly, they allowed me the opportunity to see them – how they talked, how they ate, what they liked. Elizabeth was already sick then. She was in pain and it was incredibly difficult for her to be there – but she was. She showed up for me despite the physical pain it caused her. I’ve never been more honored.
I wish I could say that we regularly kept in touch but I moved back to St. Louis, a pandemic happened, I got married and moved to Minnesota – and life became busy and complicated. But every once in awhile she would shoot me a message and tell me about something happening. She would like a post or post a comment on a picture and remind me that she was there. I wish I had made it back to see her before she was gone.
Elizabeth’s open heart is what allowed me to move forward with my life. She brought peace to some of most tumultuous parts of me and I will never have the chance to repay her for that kindness. But she has and continues to be a beacon of light in my life. Through endless doctors visits and blood tests, I think of the optimism she shared and her ability to show up for me on the day when I needed it the most. I couldn’t begin to share all the ways this remarkable woman impacted my life in such a limited amount of time and interaction. But I can say this- knowing that this person with such a beautiful outlook and vigor for life and love is my biological Aunt gives me pride and hope in ways I never thought I would get to have.
I will see you in the stars. And when I do I will give you a hug that doesn’t hurt either one of us and I will thank you for your courage and kindness. I am honored to have met you and I am honored to have had even a fleeting moment of being part of your family.
Thank you for finding me. I can’t wait to find you again.
by Erin Ludwig